A hard day

It hasnt just been a hard day it has been a hard couple of days. My birthday was on Saturday. I had a very enjoyable evening planned with my man, when he was called in to work ugggh!! Oh well thats life! Him and I went to watch our 4yr old play tball for the very first time that morning WOW I love all these milestones. CHERISH them all!!! Then I spent the evening with friends and it was so nice to relax with good company and no kids!!

See I am 12 weeks pregnant. And Monday morning I woke up sent my daughter off to daycare, promised her that me and daddy would pick her up early and do something FUN tonight. So I leave to met up with her daddy and head to my OB for my 12 week sono. We are sitting there watching the baby listening to the heartbeat. OH FUN FUN! that is always so exciting lol. But then you can just see on the dr face something is wrong and he starts to show us "swelling" or fluid all around the baby's spine. Dr continues to talk in, what I would just call, "medical mumbo jumbo" They called in cystic hygroma. After a tear filled session with two different doctors, they tell me they want to do a CVS (chorionic villi sampling) to get more info. My first thought was ok if you think thats best I'm already here lets go ahead and do it. Then they begin to explain the procedure and suddenly I was just like WTF!! you want to stick a needle through my stomach to pull fluid from the baby!! Hell no I have always heard that is so dangerous. So I walked out of the doctor office and just said NO. By this time it was 4pm and all I can think about is I want to pick up my 4yr old daughter and hug her and hold her. I cried the whole way to the daycare to pick her up (LATE) so confused and scared and frustrated.

I spent the entire next day having mommy daughter time! Just trying to regroup and enjoy life. A dear friend of mine took the day off to just kinda hang with us. And it was awsome to be worry free for just the day. That afternoon I called the specialist back and set up the appt to have the CVS done. Made arrangments for my daughter and to have my sister go to the appt with me. I was up all night talking with my sis in law and googling and praying. Got up the next morning, got dressed woke my daughter up to tell her bye and just completely lost it and cried and then she cried. Poor girl didnt even know why she was crying. I felt like such a horrible mom that I couldnt keep my emotions under control infront of her. I didnt want her to think anything bad was happening.

I cried all the way to my sisters house. I get there we get her son dropped off at daycare and head to the hospital. Telling silly stories about life and laughing trying to keep the mood light. I love my sister she is my rock and the most awsome big sister in the world. The procedure sucked, it was scarey and painful. I closed my eyes as tight as i could, clitch my fist around my sister's hand and just prayed over and over in my head...Lord give me strength and courage...Lord give me strength and courage...Lord give me strength and courage. And then it was done. THANK GOD!

I know today could have been just the first day of a very long road ahead of me and this baby. But I feel like today was huge milestone. And I have faith that this report will be good. Hopefully GREAT. I have asked every one I know and don't know to pray. I am praying and if you are reading this I hope you will join my prayers.