Death Report to Praise Report

I went for my dreaded appointment with the maternal fetal medicine doctor all alone. Traffic was pretty light so I got there super early and had plenty of time to just sit and wait. Torture!! I didn't wanna be there in the first place!! I have been praying non stop but honestly I haven't been too optimistic. And I have been honest with God about my lack of faith with this, but still continued to pray non stop for my hearts desire (which of course was a Happy, Healthy, NORMAL baby) Anyways I sat in my car feeling very lonely and scared and just plain nausous at the thought of going to this appt and seeing my baby on that screen again. I finally get up the nerve to go inside and wait in the doctor waiting room. Siting in the waiting room my nausea from all the anxiety was really getting to me. About the time I really felt like I needed to head straight the nearest trash can they called my name to take me back. I felt like a little kid being taking back against my will to get my wellness immunizations. Inside I was kicking and screaming I didnt wanna go back and see this man again AT ALL. I dont wanna be here to for another saddening appt about how sick my baby is and blah blah blah. How many times can you really listen to that?? The doctor came in almost immediately which was great cause I was so anxoius. I was ready to bolt at any second. He starts the sono to check the full anatomy of the baby. He shows me the baby's hands and man the detail was amazing, you could see almost every joint in the hand. He shows me every square inch of my baby. It was amazing to see how much it is truely a little tiny person in there! Every new shot he is showing me he tells me how perfect the baby is. Finally I just couldn't stand it anymore and blurt out ... "The HYGROMA ... What about the hygroma??" He freezes the sono picture of the baby's spine on the screen sits the sonogram wand thingy down and looks me right in the eye and very seriously says it's amazing, it has completely dissolved. There is not a trace what so ever of the Hygroma or any other birth defect for that matter. He looked kinda blank and weird. I asked him "So she is ok now?" and he says Yes. He begins to show me on the sono where the hygroma was before and that there is no evidence that there was ever anything there now on this new sono picture. He tells me he was really hoping since I had decided to keep the pregnacy going that the hygroma would slowing dissolve but that it was just unheard of for a hygroma that large to dissappear so fast. WOW REALLY??? I just about fell outta the chair!

Dr. Weiss released me to go down and see my regular OB for my usual follow up with him. By this point I'm texting every single person in my phone the GREAT NEWS. I'm sitting in Dr. Jordan's office waiting to see him and I just couldn't stop smiling and just continuously thanking God for my miracle. I get back to see the doctor and he of course is all smiles as usual. He ask how I'm feeling and then ask what Dr. Weis had to say. I proudly proclaimed "He said the baby is perfectly normal" He looks at me oddly and just kinda says "Oh yeah?" then ask about the hygroma. I said with a big smile "Dr. Weiss said it has completely dissolved!" Dr. Jordan seemed a bit confused and asked for the report form the other doctor. As he is reading he just kinda smiles and says "Wow your right there is no evidence of the hygroma at all!" I said "I know, I have had everyone I know praying!" His response was "Praise God, I am a believer myself and prayer does work." Now the report is just as good as any other pregnancy.

PRAISE GOD!! GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME! AND HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART!!

Taking life day by day

I haven't blogged in a long time. I have been busy packing, moving, and now unpacking. JOY! I have been back to OB only one time so far. Just a regular ol check up. Baby's heartbeat sounded good and all my bloodwork was good. But as for all the other stuff I gotta wait and see the specialist again. That wont be until the 26th and I just keep praying for the best. Need more good news! Despite the good news on my CVS I have been really pessimistic about this whole pregnancy. And I never admit it out loud but sometimes I almost just like to pretend I'm not pregnant. This whole pregnancy still scares the crap outta me. And every single ache or pain or strange feeling I have, in the back of my mind I think "OMG I just KNOW I'm having a miscarriage" And I'm constantly in the back of mind preparing myself for a miscarraige. For example I prepare the conversation in my head on how I will explain it to my 4 yr old daughter or who I will give all my baby stuff to. Does that make me crazy? I know it sounds ridiculas and it even sounds kinda silly reading that I just wrote that. BUT its the truth. And I am glad to have it out. Maybe that will help me deal a little better.