I don't talk about my oldest daughter, MK, much. She is just almost the perfect child. I love her dearly (as I do both my girls) but I often feel like I neglect her. Her little sister needs so much of my time and demands so much attention that MK tends to just kinda hang in her room and do her own thing. She never acts out or gets jealous, but it makes me so sad. This is a huge battle within myself!
MK gets to go out and do alot more activities then her little sister. Her aunts take her to go do fun girly things, she gets to stay at my moms for a week in the summer, she goes to girl scout camps, she gets to go to birthday parties and sleepovers. But I feel like I don't get quality time with her.
How do I make more time for her? Ok, I can let her stay up a few minutes later at night...NOPE. My oldest always falls asleep super early and my youngest doesn't sleep! Most of the time I give up and just lay down with her and I fall asleep first. We don't have much of a babysitter willing to watch my youngest.
Sad momma
Monday, May 22, 2017
Monday, February 13, 2017
AMAZING THERAPY
I have currently decided against ABA therapy. I did alot of research and I kinda think this is not the right route for her at this time.
However, I met with a pediatric home health agency two weeks ago. They evaluated her pretty thoroughly. They established she is far enough behind on her milestones that she qualifies for occupational therapy. This will be under our deductible, so this stinks, but it is covered. Now we have speech twice a week and OT twice a week.
We established some goals and jumped right in. We have already done 3 sessions. Is it too early to be totally siked???? Cause I am!!!! She is already so much more open to trying new things. NEW THINGS!!!! YES NEW THINGS!!!!!!!! My child never tries anything new! She has meltdowns just at the suggestion of anything new or different. AND!!!! She has had only a few tantrums but even those aren't as bad as usual. We have not visited "meltdown city" even once. Why didn't I do this sooner?
Now if I can just figure out how to pay for this therapy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Twice a week at $104 a pop till we meet our deductible is met, YIKES!! How on earth do people afford this??
However, I met with a pediatric home health agency two weeks ago. They evaluated her pretty thoroughly. They established she is far enough behind on her milestones that she qualifies for occupational therapy. This will be under our deductible, so this stinks, but it is covered. Now we have speech twice a week and OT twice a week.
We established some goals and jumped right in. We have already done 3 sessions. Is it too early to be totally siked???? Cause I am!!!! She is already so much more open to trying new things. NEW THINGS!!!! YES NEW THINGS!!!!!!!! My child never tries anything new! She has meltdowns just at the suggestion of anything new or different. AND!!!! She has had only a few tantrums but even those aren't as bad as usual. We have not visited "meltdown city" even once. Why didn't I do this sooner?
Now if I can just figure out how to pay for this therapy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Twice a week at $104 a pop till we meet our deductible is met, YIKES!! How on earth do people afford this??
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Autism Diagnosis??
The neurologist/psychologist diagnosed my daughter with Autism. I told him I wasn't sure I agreed with this diagnosis. He stated that she was high functioning and probably borderline but could definitely benefit from ABA therapy. And the only way to receive ABA therapy through insurance is to have a diagnosis of autism.
I went into see the doctor to diagnose her with maybe anxiety or some behavioral issues? I don't know what I was expecting but I am just really not satisfied with this diagnosis. I dunno if I am in denial or if my mother's intuition is correct.
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
He had us put on the waiting list to have formal testing done. However, it is a year waiting list! And it will end up going to our deductible so I am not sure how we would pay for this? So I got with the school to have her tested there. Shorter waiting list and no out of pocket money!
Meanwhile as I am writing this.....my girl is in melt down city again! She got upset cause her sister put strawberries on her strawberry shortcake, instead of on the side. So she screamed, cried, and threw it in the trash. Before I could even get onto her for screaming in her sister's face or throwing perfectly good food away she ran to her room to cry and peed all over herself.
UGH I dunno
MARGARITA TIME!
I went into see the doctor to diagnose her with maybe anxiety or some behavioral issues? I don't know what I was expecting but I am just really not satisfied with this diagnosis. I dunno if I am in denial or if my mother's intuition is correct.
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
He had us put on the waiting list to have formal testing done. However, it is a year waiting list! And it will end up going to our deductible so I am not sure how we would pay for this? So I got with the school to have her tested there. Shorter waiting list and no out of pocket money!
Meanwhile as I am writing this.....my girl is in melt down city again! She got upset cause her sister put strawberries on her strawberry shortcake, instead of on the side. So she screamed, cried, and threw it in the trash. Before I could even get onto her for screaming in her sister's face or throwing perfectly good food away she ran to her room to cry and peed all over herself.
UGH I dunno
MARGARITA TIME!
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
melt down city
My youngest daughter (who I usually am writing about) is what you would call......a difficult child. However, she has certain charm about her that people tend to fall in love with. And of course my completely unbiased opinion that she is absolutely gorgeous. But literally people just seem drawn to her natural charisma and awkward quirkiness. And this seems great.....but OMG I just want to tell these people live with this little booger!!
She is stubborn and very strong willed, yet, still at 5 years old totally reliant on me. I still have to dress her, buckle her seat belt, wipe her butt, put her shoes and socks on her. All these little things she should know how to do. Her pediatrician says I should stand strong and not help her. DUDE I don't have time for a 30 min stand off every time we get in the car. She refuses to even try to do these things for herself. And me refusing to do it for her results in what we call melt down city, which includes uncontrollable crying and screaming and usually ends with her peeing all over herself!! I'm sorry if it makes me a bad mother, but I have to just buckle the damn seat belt for her!! I have to!
Not to mention she is abnormally obsessed with me. She eats, sleeps, pees, poops, and showers with me. Otherwise, its melt down city!! Separation anxiety?? I dunno but it seems like unhealthy behavior for a 5yr old. She still has frequent toddler like melt downs over the craziest things. She is very particular (or quirky)! She will only wear green fleece socks and only eat cereal out of her green bowl with the straw in it. Otherwise....yup....melt down city again! Then if you are out in public and someone accidentally touches her.....melt down city!! Then everyone in the grocery is staring at you like you are a terrible mother. Like "hey lady control that screaming kid" Her teacher everyday when I pick her says "umm Mrs. Cox she refused to participate again today."AND DO YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS?!?!?! You are a professional right?? You tell me what to do cause I am out of ideas here!! You know what teacher you are lucky she doesn't have melt downs for you, then you really wouldn't know what to do!!
I could go on and on but the point of all this is.... I feel like a total failure as a mother because I just can't handle it. She can make me a nervous wreck. I have reached out to her pediatrician, but he says there is nothing wrong with her and that she is just a strong willed child AKA brat. I scheduled a conference with her teacher and speech therapist and principal. They mentioned a few different concerns and some of her quirky behaviors. And suggested we see a specialist. Well, I finally demanded to see a specialist to my pediatrician. We shall see..........Lets see what the future holds.
Sincerely yours,
prisoner at melt down city
She is stubborn and very strong willed, yet, still at 5 years old totally reliant on me. I still have to dress her, buckle her seat belt, wipe her butt, put her shoes and socks on her. All these little things she should know how to do. Her pediatrician says I should stand strong and not help her. DUDE I don't have time for a 30 min stand off every time we get in the car. She refuses to even try to do these things for herself. And me refusing to do it for her results in what we call melt down city, which includes uncontrollable crying and screaming and usually ends with her peeing all over herself!! I'm sorry if it makes me a bad mother, but I have to just buckle the damn seat belt for her!! I have to!
Not to mention she is abnormally obsessed with me. She eats, sleeps, pees, poops, and showers with me. Otherwise, its melt down city!! Separation anxiety?? I dunno but it seems like unhealthy behavior for a 5yr old. She still has frequent toddler like melt downs over the craziest things. She is very particular (or quirky)! She will only wear green fleece socks and only eat cereal out of her green bowl with the straw in it. Otherwise....yup....melt down city again! Then if you are out in public and someone accidentally touches her.....melt down city!! Then everyone in the grocery is staring at you like you are a terrible mother. Like "hey lady control that screaming kid" Her teacher everyday when I pick her says "umm Mrs. Cox she refused to participate again today."AND DO YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS?!?!?! You are a professional right?? You tell me what to do cause I am out of ideas here!! You know what teacher you are lucky she doesn't have melt downs for you, then you really wouldn't know what to do!!
I could go on and on but the point of all this is.... I feel like a total failure as a mother because I just can't handle it. She can make me a nervous wreck. I have reached out to her pediatrician, but he says there is nothing wrong with her and that she is just a strong willed child AKA brat. I scheduled a conference with her teacher and speech therapist and principal. They mentioned a few different concerns and some of her quirky behaviors. And suggested we see a specialist. Well, I finally demanded to see a specialist to my pediatrician. We shall see..........Lets see what the future holds.
Sincerely yours,
prisoner at melt down city
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
haven't forgotten my baby is a miracle
I just happen to stumble across my old blogs from my last pregnancy. I reread them and cried remembering my fear and pain from that few months. My baby just turned 5 yrs old a couple weeks ago! She continues to amaze me everyday.
My entire pregnancy was a nightmare; not knowing what to expect when she was born. The doctor preformed a c-section two weeks early so the hospital could have all of their neonatal specialist for when she arrived. She arrived kicking and screaming September 15th bright an early that morning!! Absolutely perfect!! Not a single thing wrong with her! Perfectly healthy! Her spine was as if there was never anything there! A MIRACLE BABY! MY miracle baby.
Her name is Kensley and I thank God for her every single day! She has barely been sick a day in her life. She is rough and tough and complete hand full. Never sick but has already had two sets of stitches (LOL) Stubborn as all get out but I believe that is how she survived!
God is Good All The Time!!
My entire pregnancy was a nightmare; not knowing what to expect when she was born. The doctor preformed a c-section two weeks early so the hospital could have all of their neonatal specialist for when she arrived. She arrived kicking and screaming September 15th bright an early that morning!! Absolutely perfect!! Not a single thing wrong with her! Perfectly healthy! Her spine was as if there was never anything there! A MIRACLE BABY! MY miracle baby.
Her name is Kensley and I thank God for her every single day! She has barely been sick a day in her life. She is rough and tough and complete hand full. Never sick but has already had two sets of stitches (LOL) Stubborn as all get out but I believe that is how she survived!
God is Good All The Time!!
Friday, April 29, 2011
Death Report to Praise Report
I went for my dreaded appointment with the maternal fetal medicine doctor all alone. Traffic was pretty light so I got there super early and had plenty of time to just sit and wait. Torture!! I didn't wanna be there in the first place!! I have been praying non stop but honestly I haven't been too optimistic. And I have been honest with God about my lack of faith with this, but still continued to pray non stop for my hearts desire (which of course was a Happy, Healthy, NORMAL baby) Anyways I sat in my car feeling very lonely and scared and just plain nausous at the thought of going to this appt and seeing my baby on that screen again. I finally get up the nerve to go inside and wait in the doctor waiting room. Siting in the waiting room my nausea from all the anxiety was really getting to me. About the time I really felt like I needed to head straight the nearest trash can they called my name to take me back. I felt like a little kid being taking back against my will to get my wellness immunizations. Inside I was kicking and screaming I didnt wanna go back and see this man again AT ALL. I dont wanna be here to for another saddening appt about how sick my baby is and blah blah blah. How many times can you really listen to that?? The doctor came in almost immediately which was great cause I was so anxoius. I was ready to bolt at any second. He starts the sono to check the full anatomy of the baby. He shows me the baby's hands and man the detail was amazing, you could see almost every joint in the hand. He shows me every square inch of my baby. It was amazing to see how much it is truely a little tiny person in there! Every new shot he is showing me he tells me how perfect the baby is. Finally I just couldn't stand it anymore and blurt out ... "The HYGROMA ... What about the hygroma??" He freezes the sono picture of the baby's spine on the screen sits the sonogram wand thingy down and looks me right in the eye and very seriously says it's amazing, it has completely dissolved. There is not a trace what so ever of the Hygroma or any other birth defect for that matter. He looked kinda blank and weird. I asked him "So she is ok now?" and he says Yes. He begins to show me on the sono where the hygroma was before and that there is no evidence that there was ever anything there now on this new sono picture. He tells me he was really hoping since I had decided to keep the pregnacy going that the hygroma would slowing dissolve but that it was just unheard of for a hygroma that large to dissappear so fast. WOW REALLY??? I just about fell outta the chair!
Dr. Weiss released me to go down and see my regular OB for my usual follow up with him. By this point I'm texting every single person in my phone the GREAT NEWS. I'm sitting in Dr. Jordan's office waiting to see him and I just couldn't stop smiling and just continuously thanking God for my miracle. I get back to see the doctor and he of course is all smiles as usual. He ask how I'm feeling and then ask what Dr. Weis had to say. I proudly proclaimed "He said the baby is perfectly normal" He looks at me oddly and just kinda says "Oh yeah?" then ask about the hygroma. I said with a big smile "Dr. Weiss said it has completely dissolved!" Dr. Jordan seemed a bit confused and asked for the report form the other doctor. As he is reading he just kinda smiles and says "Wow your right there is no evidence of the hygroma at all!" I said "I know, I have had everyone I know praying!" His response was "Praise God, I am a believer myself and prayer does work." Now the report is just as good as any other pregnancy.
PRAISE GOD!! GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME! AND HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART!!
Dr. Weiss released me to go down and see my regular OB for my usual follow up with him. By this point I'm texting every single person in my phone the GREAT NEWS. I'm sitting in Dr. Jordan's office waiting to see him and I just couldn't stop smiling and just continuously thanking God for my miracle. I get back to see the doctor and he of course is all smiles as usual. He ask how I'm feeling and then ask what Dr. Weis had to say. I proudly proclaimed "He said the baby is perfectly normal" He looks at me oddly and just kinda says "Oh yeah?" then ask about the hygroma. I said with a big smile "Dr. Weiss said it has completely dissolved!" Dr. Jordan seemed a bit confused and asked for the report form the other doctor. As he is reading he just kinda smiles and says "Wow your right there is no evidence of the hygroma at all!" I said "I know, I have had everyone I know praying!" His response was "Praise God, I am a believer myself and prayer does work." Now the report is just as good as any other pregnancy.
PRAISE GOD!! GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME! AND HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART!!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Taking life day by day
I haven't blogged in a long time. I have been busy packing, moving, and now unpacking. JOY! I have been back to OB only one time so far. Just a regular ol check up. Baby's heartbeat sounded good and all my bloodwork was good. But as for all the other stuff I gotta wait and see the specialist again. That wont be until the 26th and I just keep praying for the best. Need more good news! Despite the good news on my CVS I have been really pessimistic about this whole pregnancy. And I never admit it out loud but sometimes I almost just like to pretend I'm not pregnant. This whole pregnancy still scares the crap outta me. And every single ache or pain or strange feeling I have, in the back of my mind I think "OMG I just KNOW I'm having a miscarriage" And I'm constantly in the back of mind preparing myself for a miscarraige. For example I prepare the conversation in my head on how I will explain it to my 4 yr old daughter or who I will give all my baby stuff to. Does that make me crazy? I know it sounds ridiculas and it even sounds kinda silly reading that I just wrote that. BUT its the truth. And I am glad to have it out. Maybe that will help me deal a little better.
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